Why Most Goals Fall Flat
Have you ever set a goal that looked good on paper, but when you achieved it, you felt… nothing? You’re not alone. Most people don’t fail at goals because they lack discipline — they fail because their goals aren’t connected to what truly matters.
This is where core values come in. Your values are like a compass. They guide your decisions, shape your priorities, and keep you on course when things get messy. Without them, even a “successful” goal can feel hollow. With them, even small steps feel deeply satisfying.
Why Your Values Matter More Than Motivation
Most goals don’t fail because we’re lazy or unmotivated. They fail because they’re not connected to what truly matters. You can set the neatest SMART goal in the world, track it in a planner, and still abandon it if it doesn’t align with your core values.
When your goals line up with your values, they feel natural and energising. When they don’t, they feel like chores — or worse, they feel empty even if you achieve them.
Towards Values vs Away-From Values
I recently discovered the concept of “towards values” and “away-from values.” It gave me a whole new understanding of myself and how my motivation works. Let me explain.
Towards values are the things you want more of in your life. Away-from values are the ones you hold because you want to avoid something painful or negative.
For example, I’ve always said I value honesty and integrity. But when I asked myself why, I realised it was because I’d experienced lies and betrayal in the past. I wanted to move away from manipulation and deceit. So in truth, honesty and integrity were actually “away-from values.”
The challenge with away-from values is that once you’ve created some distance from the negative situation, the motivation tends to ease off. You’re no longer being fuelled by pain, so the drive fades.
Here’s another example: the value of being slim and healthy. It sounds positive, but for many people it’s actually an away-from value: moving away from not being fat. This can be motivating — until you no longer feel fat. Then the urgency drops, old habits creep back, and the cycle of yo-yo dieting begins.
Towards values, on the other hand, are fuelled by wanting more of something good. For me, one of my strongest towards values is adventure. It’s not about avoiding a quiet life (I enjoy peaceful times too). I love adventure because it pushes me out of my comfort zone, challenges me, and gives me a sense of growth. Even when things don’t go perfectly — in fact, especially then — adventure feels energising and rewarding.
Understanding the difference between towards and away-from values really changed how I look at my goals. If I set goals based on away-from values, the motivation often fizzles once I feel safe from the thing I was trying to avoid. That’s why so many of us fall into stop-start cycles with fitness, dieting, or even relationships — we’re driven by fear or pain until the pressure eases, and then the old patterns creep back.
But when I set goals from a place of towards values, they feel energising and sustainable. I don’t just want to avoid something; I genuinely want more of what matters to me. That’s what makes the difference between goals that fade and goals that stick.
This is why identifying your core values is such a powerful first step in goal setting. Once you’re clear on what you want more of in your life, your goals stop feeling like chores and start feeling like a natural extension of who you are.
What Are Core Values?
Core values are the principles and priorities that define what matters most to you. They’re not about what society, your family, or social media says you should want. They’re about the qualities, feelings, and experiences that give your life meaning.
Some common examples include:
- Health – taking care of your body and mind.
- Family – prioritising time with loved ones.
- Freedom – having choice, flexibility, and independence.
- Growth – learning, developing skills, seeking progress.
- Contribution – helping others and making a difference.
- Adventure – exploring new places and ideas.
- Stability – creating security and predictability.
- Creativity – expressing yourself through art, writing, problem-solving.
A couple of other important values for me are freedom and growth. Freedom shows up in my love for solo travel and growth drives me to keep learning and coaching.
Why Values Matter for Goal Setting
So why do values make such a difference in whether goals succeed or fail?
- Motivation That Lasts
Discipline and willpower fade. Values fuel persistence. If your goal aligns with what matters most, you’re far more likely to stick with it. - Alignment Prevents “Empty Success”
You don’t end up climbing the wrong ladder. A goal tied to values ensures your achievements feel satisfying, not hollow. - Resilience When Things Get Hard
When setbacks happen (and they always do), your values remind you why you started in the first place. That deeper “why” keeps you going.
I know from experience how quickly motivation can fade, making it harder to keep doing the work. That’s why tying your goals to your core values matters so much. When your goals are linked to your identity, the actions become part of who you are — not just another item on your to-do list.
For me, I like to think of myself as the kind of person who values stillness and reflection. That identity fuels my commitment to a daily meditation and gratitude practice. On the days I don’t feel like it, reminding myself “this is who I am” helps me follow through anyway.
How to Discover Your Core Values
The good news: your values are already inside you. You just need to bring them to the surface. Here are a few practical exercises to help:
1. The Non-Negotiables Exercise
Write down 10–15 things that are most important in your life. Then circle your top 5. Finally, narrow it down to 2–3 non-negotiables. These are your core values.
2. The Perfect Day Exercise
Imagine your perfect day from start to finish. Who are you with? What are you doing? How do you feel? The patterns you notice point to your values (e.g., if your perfect day is outdoors exploring, adventure and freedom may be your values).
3. The Peak Moments Exercise
Think about times in your life when you felt most proud, fulfilled, or alive. What values were being honoured in those moments?
4. The Gut-Check Exercise
Write a list of values (use the examples above). Read through and notice which ones spark an immediate “yes, that’s me” feeling.
I personally have used all of these and a combination worked best for me. It can also be helpful to use a list of one word values to read through and feel how they resonate. There are also many online tools that can help you narrow your values down and are fun and enlightening. A couple you might want to try are:
- Personal Values
- Everyday Values Quiz
- VIA Discover Your Character Strengths – not strictly values but fun to do and enlightening.
Examples of Values in Action
Once you’ve identified your values, they become a guide for setting goals. Here are some practical examples:
- Value: Health → Goal: Cook five nourishing meals per week, or run a 5km race.
- Value: Family → Goal: Schedule a weekly family dinner or monthly day trip.
- Value: Freedom → Goal: Save $5,000 for travel or negotiate flexible work hours.
- Value: Contribution → Goal: Volunteer two hours a week or mentor a junior colleague.
- Value: Growth → Goal: Read 12 books this year or complete an online course.
My value of adventure inspired my goal to visit every mainland lighthouse in Australia.
Common Mistakes in Values Work
Identifying your values is powerful, but there are a few traps to avoid:
- Confusing Values with “Shoulds”
Choosing values because they sound good or others expect them. Example: picking “wealth” because society celebrates it, even if it’s not truly your priority. - Choosing Too Many
If you list 15 values, none will have real weight. Narrowing to 2–3 keeps you focused. - Not Revisiting as Life Changes
Values can shift over time. What mattered most in your 20s may not in your 50s. Check in regularly to see if your goals still align.
My problem is getting carried away and choosing too many.
Narrow Them Down
Researcher Brené Brown takes this even further. In her work on leadership and courage, she suggests that most of us only really have two core values — and everything else flows from those.
At first, that can feel confronting. Two? That’s it? But her point is that clarity is power. If you can name just two values that truly guide your life, the rest of your decisions, goals, and even secondary values tend to line up behind them.
For example, if your two are freedom and family, then growth, health, and contribution may all show up as ways to support those priorities. Freedom might drive your goal to build financial security. Family might motivate your decision to improve your health so you have more energy to show up for them.
Putting It All Together
Once you know your values, goal setting becomes simpler:
- Identify your top 2–3 values.
- Use them as a filter for every goal. Ask: Does this serve my values?
- Apply a framework (SMART or HEART) to shape the goal.
➡️ Example: If your value is health, instead of “lose weight,” your goal could be:
“Complete three strength workouts per week for the next 12 weeks so I feel stronger and have more energy for travel.”
This blends value → purpose → framework → action.
Final Thoughts: Let Your Values Be Your Compass
Your values are not just words on a page — they’re the compass that points you to a meaningful life. When you align your goals with your values, every step forward feels purposeful.
The next time you set a goal, don’t start with the “what” or the “how.” Start with the “why.”
📖 Want more? Read the full guide: Goal Setting with Purpose.
And: Read about SMART vs HEART Goals.
📥 Download the free Purposeful Goal Setting Worksheet to uncover your values, set meaningful goals, and build habits that stick.
- How to Find Your Core Values (and Why They Matter for Goal Setting) - October 14, 2025
- SMART vs HEART Goals: Which Framework Works Best for You? - October 7, 2025
- Goal Setting with Purpose: The Ultimate Guide to Goals That Stick - September 30, 2025
