We all do it.
We tell ourselves we’ll start living after the holiday, the promotion, the weight loss, the kids are grown. We picture this magical “someday” when life finally feels how it’s supposed to.
But what if “someday” never comes?
My grandfather’s story
Growing up, my grandfather often talked about the amazing trip he and my grandmother would take after he retired. He was a professor at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand. He loved his work — so much so that he rarely took holidays. I suspect he was saving his leave to bring his retirement forward.
He genuinely enjoyed his job, but he also dreamed of travelling the world. It was the plan — the adventure that would begin the moment he clocked out for the last time.
When he finally retired, his department celebrated him in style. There was even talk of him returning later as an emeritus professor after his much-anticipated travels. Plans for the grand adventure began to take shape.
And then, as a sensible first step, he went to the doctor to get a couple of niggles checked before heading off.
That’s when everything changed.
He was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given only months to live. Even worse, he was deemed too unwell to travel at all. Surgery was recommended to extend his time, but it didn’t help much. He spent most of his remaining months in pain, in hospital — and the trip of a lifetime never happened.
I often wonder how much extra joy my grandparents might have had if they’d taken some of that leave earlier and gone travelling before retirement. They could have visited incredible places, created memories, and told those stories for years to come.
Waiting for “the right time” robbed them of that happiness.
Why we keep putting happiness on hold
Our brains can be tricky. They convince us that the real happiness is waiting for us somewhere in the future — after a holiday, a promotion, the “perfect” relationship. And in doing so, they downplay the joy we could be soaking up right now.
Here’s what’s going on:
1. We’re not great at predicting our future happiness
Psychologists call this affective forecasting errors — a fancy term for “we’re not as accurate as we think when guessing how we’ll feel later.”
- Impact Bias – We imagine future emotions will be bigger and last longer than they actually do. We think winning the lottery will keep us ecstatic forever, but the buzz fades. The same goes for negative events — we think they’ll crush us for ages, but we bounce back faster than we expect.
- Projection Bias – We assume our future selves will want exactly what we want now. But just like our tastes in clothes or music change, so do our values and needs.
- Focusing Illusion – When imagining the future, we zoom in on the most exciting part (the new city, the dream job) and forget the less glamorous bits (finding friends, adjusting to change).
2. The “Arrival Fallacy”
This is the belief that “I’ll be happy when I get there.” But once we arrive — new car, new house, big achievement — the high doesn’t last. The brain quickly moves the goalposts and starts chasing the next thing.
3. Why our brains do this
- Shortcuts gone wrong – The brain uses quick guesses to predict emotions, but they’re often wrong.
- Society’s voice in our heads – We’re surrounded by messages linking happiness to success, money, and comparison.
- Faulty memories – We misremember the intensity of past emotions, so we keep expecting future ones to feel the same.
What we can do instead
We’re wired to overestimate the joy of future achievements and undervalue the happiness available right now. The trick is to catch this pattern and choose to live more in the moment.
When the sun is shining and friends invite you for a walk or picnic, don’t put it off until the housework is done. Spoiler: it will never be done.
If you’ve been holding off a trip to the beach until you hit your “goal weight” — I’ve done this — give yourself a break and just go. No one’s paying attention to your body as much as you think. Everyone’s too busy worrying about their own.
When an opportunity comes up to do something you’ve always wanted to do, take it. Don’t wait for the “perfect time.” It doesn’t exist. There will always be something that tries to claim your attention.
Stop waiting. Start living.
With warmth and love,
Megan Ruffino
Founder
Happiness Is A Decision
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