Loving someone with an addiction is one of the hardest experiences you can go through. It twists your heart into knots and leaves you questioning yourself at every turn. You wonder, Is it my fault? Should I have done something differently? If I love them enough, will they finally change?
I know those questions because I’ve asked them too.
The truth is—addiction is powerful. It changes how your loved one thinks, behaves, and relates to the people around them. And even though it might feel deeply personal, it isn’t about you. Their choices, their struggles, and their recovery (if they choose it) are ultimately theirs.
The emotional rollercoaster
When someone you love has an addiction, you often feel like you’re living on high alert. One moment there’s hope—maybe they’ve promised to stop or made it through a day sober. The next, the bottom falls out and you’re back in the chaos of lies, broken trust, or destructive behaviour.
It’s exhausting. And it’s lonely, too—because unless you’ve been there, it’s hard for others to understand why you can’t just “walk away” or “let them hit rock bottom.”
The invisible weight you carry
Many women who love someone with an addiction start carrying the load for two. You might pick up responsibilities they’ve dropped, make excuses for them, or even change your own behaviour to try to keep the peace. Without even noticing, you can lose touch with your own needs, your boundaries, and even your sense of self.
That’s why it’s so important to pause and remember: your life matters just as much as theirs.
You can’t control their addiction—but you can take back your life
Here’s the hard reality—no matter how much you love someone, you can’t force them to change. Addiction has its own rules, and it doesn’t play fair.
But here’s the hope—you can decide how you show up for yourself. You can create boundaries, find support, and start living in a way that isn’t defined by their addiction. It doesn’t mean you stop loving them. It means you stop losing yourself.
Finding your anchor
If you’re reading this and nodding along, know that you’re not alone. There are thousands of women—just like you—who are quietly navigating the storm of loving someone with an addiction.
And while every story is unique, the path forward often starts in the same place: choosing to care for yourself. Not as an afterthought, not when things finally settle down, but now.
Because when you’re anchored, you can weather even the roughest seas.
Final thought
in the process. You get to choose your own path, your own healing, and your own happiness—even when they can’t choose theirs.
And if you’d like support in doing that, I created the Anchored & Rising Circle—a coaching program and community for women who love someone with an addiction. It’s a safe harbour where you’ll learn tools to set boundaries, reclaim your sense of self, and rise again.
👉 Join the waitlist here to be the first to know when doors open.
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