When we think about happiness and what makes us happy, we often think of the big things. Big milestones like buying our first or dream home, being offered that perfect job, finding true love, growing our family or even taking that long awaited trip of a lifetime. While all of those can be wonderful, happiness researchers have discovered that, while we get a temporary boost of happiness from them, it doesn’t last and they don’t provide the long-term boost that we might expect.
The findings? Research suggests that major achievements and life upgrades can give us a welcome boost, but we often adapt to positive changes more quickly than we expect. Much of our day-to-day wellbeing is shaped by the ordinary habits, relationships and experiences that make up everyday life.
Let’s take a look at what the researchers now know – and what we often forget.
Sleep: The Unsung Hero of Happiness
Sleep and wellbeing are closely connected. Getting enough good-quality sleep supports emotional regulation, attention and our ability to respond to everyday stress. When we are sleep-deprived, positive experiences can also be harder to notice and enjoy.
When we don’t get enough sleep it doesn’t just make us tired – it can make us cranky and rob us of our ability to focus on tasks or even gain enjoyment from life. One study identified that sleep deprived participants experienced less positive emotions and were less likely to notice positive events happening around them.
🌞 Key insight: Protecting your sleep is one of the practical foundations that can make the rest of life easier to handle.
Relationships: One of the Foundations of Wellbeing
Decades of research, including the long-running Harvard Study of Adult Development, have repeatedly found strong relationships to be closely associated with better health, wellbeing and life satisfaction.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development – a well known study that has now been running for over 80 years following individuals over their lifetimes – found that good relationships, more than money or fame, account for better health and happiness overall.
🌞 Key Insights? Stay connected. Call a friend. Plan a meet-up with someone you care about who you haven’t seen in a while. Schedule a date night or fun activity with a loved one. Nurturing your relationships can be a key investment toward your happiness bank.
Kindness: The Unexpected Happiness Booster
There is a myth that spending money on yourself and the things you want makes you happier than giving it away. Science has discovered that the opposite is actually true.
Research has found that acts of generosity and kindness can increase positive feelings and wellbeing, whether that involves helping someone, giving to others or offering a small act of care. Results were tracked for giving donations to charity, helping a friend or neighbour, or even offering compliments to both friends and strangers and it was found that these acts of kindness significantly increase our happiness levels.
🌞 Key insights? Kindness and generosity is a two-way street. It benefits the giver as much as the receiver.
Gratitude: Training Your Brain to Notice the Good
Gratitude has long been studied and it is a known and reliable way to consistently boost happiness. In fact, I’ve written about it before. Click here to read more about creating a gratitude practice.
Humans have been hard wired to notice and focus on potential threats in our environment. It has served us well in evolutionary terms. But, in today’s safer world, it can keep us stuck in negative cycles.
Regularly practising gratitude can help us deliberately notice positive experiences that our attention might otherwise skim past.
In a well-known 2005 study by Martin Seligman and colleagues, participants who completed a “Three Good Things” exercise — writing down three positive things that had happened and why — reported improvements in happiness over time.
Practicing gratitude has also been linked to better sleep, stronger relationships and improved physical health.
🌞 Key insights? Practicing gratitude isn’t about pretending that life is perfect. It’s about teaching your brain to pay attention to the small, positive things that are already present in our lives.
Movement: The Mood Shifter
Exercise has long been celebrated for having a profound impact on our mental well being as well as our physical health. Research has shown that even light activity – like walking, stretching, gardening and even housework – can reduce stress and provide a mood boost.
Even relatively short bouts of movement can make a difference. Research has found improvements in mood following brief periods of walking and other light activity.
🌞 Key insights? You don’t need to sign up for a marathon or even a gym membership. Just move your body in ways you enjoy each day to reap the benefits and feel happier.
Why We Forget the Basics
So why do we keep chasing happiness in the big flashy stuff — the new car, the perfect house, the dream holiday? Because those things give us a quick hit of joy and excitement. They’re shiny, Instagram-worthy, and they feel good… for a while.
Even so, it doesn’t take long though for our mood to return to its former base line. Almost as if the quick boost had never happened.
But the science reminds us of something we already know deep down: A more reliable approach to wellbeing is built through what we do repeatedly, not only through the occasional big moment.
The Bottom Line
The science of happiness isn’t complicated. It’s not hidden in secret formulas or available only to the lucky few. It’s in the choices we make every day — how we rest, who we connect with, how we move, and how we give and what we appreciate.
Happiness doesn’t have to be extraordinary. It grows in the ordinary.
Over to you:
Which of these “boring” happiness boosters do you want to focus on this week — starting a gratitude practice, better sleep, stronger connections, more kindness, or simple movement? Drop your answer in the comments below or email me directly.
This post is part of my Slow Living & Presence series.
👉 Read the main guide: The Joy of Slow Living in a Fast World
Explore more in the series:
- Presence
- How to Start a Gratitude Practice
- Nature and Wellbeing: Why Getting Outside Can Lift Your Mood.
- Happiness Is Not Positive Thinking
Megan Ruffino is a professional life coach, Master NLP Practitioner and trainer who writes about happiness, self-coaching and personal growth. She helps people understand themselves more clearly, make conscious choices and take practical steps toward lives that feel happier and more empowered.
